Eckhart Tolle on How to Have a Conscious Conversation and Be Present While Talking

What does it mean to have a conscious conversation? In its essence, it means to be there fully for the other person. In the short Q&A video below, spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle (b. February 16, 1948) offers a recipe for this life-affirming spiritual practice, delivered with his signature blend of gentle compassion and uplifting humor. Specifically, he talks about the five ingredients which I summarize below for easy practice and application:

1. Confidence. Yes, it’s possible to have a conscious conversation, no matter the topic, no matter who you’re talking to, and no matter your differences of opinion.

2. Space. Let the other person be there with you in a shared expanse of mutual understanding and presence.

3. Attention. Listen carefully to the words, observe gestures, and try to understand emotions of the one who is talking with you. Maintaining awareness is the key.

4. Attention. Observe your own thoughts and emotions as you reply and put forward your opinions and viewpoints. Maintaining awareness is the key.

5. Recognition. No matter the outcome, try to see the other beyond the veil of words and look into their inner world without prejudice.

The video is only seven minutes long and is worth a watch in its entirety, below, if only to feel the warm energy filling up the room as Eckhart shares his wisdom with a young man who, like all of us, wants to be more understanding of other people. In these times of division and conflict, the art of conscious conversation is perhaps the most basic skill we need to master on an individual and collective level if we’re ever to make progress and overcome the challenges we’re currently facing.

Transcribed and edited highlights are below.

Q: Is it possible to have a conscious conversation?

A: Yes. A conscious conversation is a conversation between two people who do not identify with their viewpoint, perspective, and mental position. As they talk to each other, their sense of self¹ is derived not from the content of their mind, but from the animating presence within; that is why they can easily play with concepts, arguments, and words. Even if their opinion is being challenged, they do not feel attacked personally. On the other hand, self-identification with mental positions is the unconsciousness.

Complement this enlightening video with Carl Rogers on the empathy as a way of being and what it means to enter another person’s world without prejudice and then revisit Buddhist nun Pema Chodron’s on-the-spot compassion practice “Just Like Me.”

1.Ultimately, there is no “self” but language is both rich — because it transforms both speaker and hearer, it feeds energy back and forth and amplifies it — and limited at the same time and has to name, label, categorize, and operate on the subject-object level. In other words, language is one of those beautiful paradoxes of our life, the one which both feeds our ego-self and reveals it, so we can do something about it.