There have been moments when you lost your temper and became angry with someone, allowing negative emotions to take over and letting things spiral out of control.
Similarly, there have been times when you chose to suppress your emotions: saying nothing, doing nothing, and pretending like nothing had happened. These situations are incredibly common, to the point where we often fail to recognize how frequently they occur in our everyday experiences. What can we do about it?
The answer to this question comes in the form of a five-step process to help us pacify negative emotions with mindfulness, outlined in the book Peace is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life by renowned Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh (October 11, 1926–January 22, 2022).
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Join Patreon1. Recognize Your Negative Emotions
Sometimes, you may find yourself in a difficult long-term situation that can’t be changed right away. The only thing you can do is endure and take small steps towards positive change. However, this doesn’t shield you from waves of negative thoughts and emotions that you’ll experience along the way.
Thich Nhat Hanh teaches us that the first step in dealing with negative emotions is to recognize them. You should anticipate the tide by observing the feeling arising in you and acknowledging that at this moment you’re angry, sad, or anxious. Seeing that you’re in the grip of a negative emotion is a powerful first step in the healing process. Thich Nhat Hanh writes:
The first step in dealing with feelings is to recognize each feeling as it arises. The agent that does this is mindfulness. In the case of fear, for example, you bring out your mindfulness, look at your fear, and recognize it as fear. You know that fear springs from yourself and that mindfulness also springs from yourself. They are both in you, not fighting, but one taking care of the other.
2. Confront Your Negative Emotions
Once you notice the tide of negative emotions, the next step is not to turn away from it but to face it directly. You might be frightened at first. The habitual response is either to let the emotion control you or try to suppress it. Both are harmful to your well-being. When you muster the courage to face the emotion directly, you’ll realize that it’s only an emotion. Thich Nhat Hanh writes:
It is best not to say, “Go away, Fear. I don’t like you. You are not me.” It is much more effective to say, “Hello, Fear. How are you today?” Then you can invite the two aspects of yourself, mindfulness and fear, to shake hands as friends and become one. Doing this may seem frightening, but because you know that you are more than just your fear, you need not be afraid. As long as mindfulness is there, it can chaperone your fear. … Although your mindfulness may not be very powerful in the beginning, if you nourish it, it will become stronger.
3. Pacify Your Negative Emotions
Once you’ve confronted the emotion, become comfortable with it. Don’t let resistance take over and break the healing chain. This is a perfect opportunity to practice mindful breathing. As you breathe in and out, you calm your mind and body. You may also notice your emotions affecting your body and manifesting as tension in the chest, a pounding sensation in the head, clenching fists, and so on. As you notice this tension, gently calm it with the power of awareness. Thich Nhat Hanh writes:
You calm your feeling just by being with it, like a mother tenderly holding her crying baby. Feeling his mother’s tenderness, the baby will calm down and stop crying. The mother is your mindfulness, born from the depth of your consciousness, and it will tend the feeling of pain. A mother holding her baby is one with her baby.
4. Release Your Negative Emotions
Now that you’re concentrated, calm, and able to see your negative emotions, it’s time to let them go. But how exactly can you do that? This step might be difficult if you haven’t been practicing meditation for a long time or have just started your journey. When you let the emotion be, you let it go. There is no resistance within you, only clear seeing, understanding, and even compassion for yourself. Thich Nhat Hanh writes:
You feel at ease, even in the midst of fear, and you know that your fear will not grow into something that will overwhelm you. When you know that you are capable of taking care of your fear, it is already reduced to the minimum, becoming softer and not so unpleasant.
5. Explore Root Causes of Your Negative Emotions
By allowing negative emotions to be and releasing them, you gain the ability to look deeply into what caused them. You will discover that the root of negative emotions and unhappiness lies in your perceptions and certain beliefs that are deeply rooted in your subconscious. You need to ask yourself why you are holding on to those beliefs and perceptions. Do you really need to control everything? The answer will reveal itself to you once you’re ready. Thich Nhat Hanh writes:
After recognizing the feeling, becoming one with it, calming it down, and releasing it, we can look deeply into its causes, which are often based on inaccurate perceptions. As soon as we understand the causes and nature of our feelings, they begin to transform themselves.
In Conclusion
Now that you know all five mindful steps to pacify negative emotions from Peace Is Every Step, you can start practicing them in your day-to-day life. Complement with our article on how to practice body awareness meditation and how to practice lovingkindness meditation.
I’m a freelance writer and mindfulness advocate behind this blog. What you see here is the combination of my three favorite things: reading, writing, and mindfulness. While you’re here, subscribe to my blog updates and gain access to free mindfulness resources for stress relief.
