What do we want out of our meditation practice? At the very least we want to feel calmer and less anxious in our everyday life. But this incessant striving to achieve a measurable result may be the first biggest mistake we make on our path to inner calm. The desire to make meditation work the way we want can become a hindrance if not acknowledged early on.

When I started my meditation practice, I was a bit disappointed after not seeing any significant result early on. I felt more comfortable during sitting meditation and started to notice some negative thought patterns in my mind, but that was it. “There must be more to meditation than this,” I thought to myself.

That was until I read Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness by Jon Kabat-Zinn, who is internationally known for his work as a scientist, writer, and meditation teacher engaged in bringing mindfulness into the mainstream of medicine and society. He is Professor of Medicine emeritus at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, where he founded its world-renowned Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Clinic (MBSR) in 1979, and the Center for Mindfulness in Medicine, Health Care, and Society (in 1995). In this book, he describes seven foundations of meditation that can transform the way we approach meditation and improve our overall experience.

#1. Non-judging

Almost everyone falls into the trap of evaluating their experience during meditation. For example, the moment we sit down and close our eyes we might notice a slight unease or discomfort. In this case a subtle “I don’t like this” thought may pop up in our heads. When that happens, we need to acknowledge the thought but don’t let it take over. It’s a perfect opportunity to stand as an impartial witness and let it be. As soon as we do that, we’ll notice that it’s just a thought, harmless and unobtrusive. It’s a good approach to every judging thought that comes to our minds.

When we begin practicing paying attention to the activity of our own mind, it is common to discover and to be surprised by the fact that we are constantly generating judgments about our experience. Almost everything we see is labeled and categorized by the mind. We react to everything we experience in terms of what we think its value is to us. (…) When you find the mind judging, you don’t have to stop it from doing that. All that is required is to be aware of it happening. No need to judge the judging and make matters even more complicated for yourself.

#2. Patience

As we continue to sit and meditate, we may also feel rushed to get it over with as soon as possible. This means that we can’t accept the present moment as it unfolds in front of us. We think something more important is waiting for us in the future. As we encounter this tendency, we need to remind ourselves that this is our reality right now and nothing good can come from resisting it. Being patient with our mind is an essential aspect of any meditation practice.

Patience is a form of wisdom. It demonstrates that we understand and accept the fact that sometimes things must unfold in their own time. A child may try to help a butterfly to emerge by breaking open its chrysalis. Usually, the butterfly doesn’t benefit from this. Any adult knows that the butterfly can only emerge in its own time, that the process cannot be hurried.

#3. Beginner’s Mind

During our first couple of sessions, we might notice that it didn’t go the way we expected. Maybe we wanted relaxation but felt tension and unease. At that moment our minds might tell us that something went “wrong” and we didn’t do it the right way.

When that happens, we need to investigate that thought. How does it know that something went wrong? It implies that we did know how it’s supposed to go and what exactly we should have felt. That’s a false thought which fools itself into believing that it knows more than it actually does. It’s important to bring our beginner’s mind into meditation and not expect any particular result or feeling. We need to become comfortable with not knowing what true meditation feels like and let the moment-by-moment experience guide the way.

An open, “beginner’s” mind allows us to be receptive to new possibilities and prevents us from getting stuck in the rut of our own expertise, which often thinks it knows more than it does. No moment is the same as any other. Each is unique and contains unique possibilities. Beginner’s mind reminds us of this simple truth.

#4. Trust

Cultivating a beginner’s mind is important but we shouldn’t take that advice too literally. It’s just a pointer, something to consider in our meditation practice. It’s just as important to trust our feelings and perceptions at any given moment. We don’t have to get caught up in the authority of other people and blindly follow whatever they say or do.

No one can tell us what we should feel or think. At some point, we’ll have to trust our intuition and if something doesn’t feel right, acknowledge it. We can find common meditation advice that it’s ok to feel discomfort during meditation and that we have to let it be and do nothing about it. But we don’t have to sit through the pain. It’s totally fine to readjust our meditation posture or even get up and take a short walk to relieve the tension.

Developing a basic trust in yourself and your feelings is an integral part of meditation training. It is far better to trust in your intuition and your own authority, even if you make some “mistakes” along the way, than always to look outside of yourself for guidance. If at any time something doesn’t feel right to you, why not honor your feelings? Why should you discount them or write them off-as invalid because some authority or some group of people think or say differently?

#5. Non-striving

We have reasons for practicing meditation and want to achieve a particular result. But when we do that you’re saying that we’re not ok now, that we don’t want to be the way you are right now. That may be the starting point, but the key is to realize that it’s also the finish line. The beginning is the end — they are one. They never were separate. The cultivation of mindfulness is paying attention to what is happening and allowing everything to be because it already is.

In the meditative domain, the best way to achieve your own goals is to back off from striving for results and instead to start focusing carefully on seeing and accepting things as they are, moment by moment. With patience and regular practice, movement toward your goals will take place by itself. This movement becomes an unfolding that you are inviting to happen within you.

#6. Acceptance

This point comes naturally from the previous one. As we stop striving, it’s also important to accept things as they are right now. Resistance creates only more resistance. Acceptance is the first step towards positive change in our lives.

Acknowledging where we are at this moment is a powerful realization that can give us the energy to move on. But that doesn’t mean that we have to take a passive attitude towards life and resign ourselves to whatever is. By accepting our current circumstances, we gain clarity on what we need to do right here and now.

In the meditation practice, we cultivate acceptance by taking each moment as it comes and being with it fully, as it is. We try not to impose our ideas about what we should be feeling or thinking or seeing in our experience but just remind ourselves to be receptive and open to whatever we are feeling, thinking, or seeing, and to accept it because it is here right now.

#7. Letting Go

Jon Kabat Zinn gives a beautiful illustration of letting go by describing how hunters trap monkeys in India. They drill a hole in a coconut, put a banana inside of it, and then secure it to the base of the tree. When a monkey puts a hand through to get the banana, it gets trapped because the hole is too small to let the fist go out.

The same happens in our minds when we can’t let go of thought. As we may notice during meditation practice, our minds tend to hold on to certain thoughts and reject others. When we practice meditation, we should intentionally put aside the tendency to judge and give preferences.

Letting go is a way of letting things be, of accepting things as they are. When we observe our own mind grasping and pushing away, we remind ourselves to let go of those impulses on purpose, just to see what will happen if we do. When we find ourselves judging our experience, we let go of those judging thoughts. We recognize them and we just don’t pursue them any further. We let them be, and in doing so we let them go.

Applying These Meditation Tips in Our Own Practice

Practicing these seven attitudes will greatly enhance our meditation practice. As a supplement, I put together this free worksheet available for download through the link below.

Why do we often feel so unhappy even when everything is fine, and there is no reason to feel sad or discontent in the first place? Everyone has their own unique situation and experiences, but the core reason might be simpler than we think.

There used to be periods in my life when I felt unhappy all the time. Getting a new job, earning more money, and buying more stuff gave only a temporary relief. Soon after I got what I wanted the feeling of unhappiness would return again. I couldn’t understand why all my efforts ended up the same way. “What can I do to feel better?” I asked myself.

In A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose written by one of the most influential spiritual teachers of our time Eckhart Tolle, this tendency is attributed to three unconscious mental habits that we develop throughout our lives.

#1

To understand how this habit works, we can conduct a simple experiment by paying attention to our state of mind in the middle of routine activity. For example, waiting in line may feel unbearable to the point that we would do anything to make it move faster. We might feel angry at a cashier for being slow or at people who stand before us in line.

I remember feeling like that at my favorite coffee shop during the “rush hour.” I wanted to buy my coffee, but the waiting was killing me. I would start listening to music or reading a book on my phone to make the time go faster.

Eckhart Tolle calls this mental habit treating the present moment as a means to an end. We perform an activity only to get to the next moment. We don’t want to be where we are right now.

To the ego, the present moment is at best only useful as a means to an end. It gets you to some future moment that is considered more important. Even though the future never comes, except as the present moment, and is therefore never more than a thought in your head. In other words, you’re never fully here, because you’re always busy trying to get elsewhere.

#2

The second unconscious habit takes the first one a step further. How do we know if we’re exhibiting this unhealthy pattern in our lives? We need to ask ourselves how many problems we need to solve in the next few months. How important are they on the scale from 1 to 10? Once we’ve named them, we need to notice how they take up all our thoughts and leave no space for anything else. All we can think about is our problems.

This is the point where life becomes problematic, and we treat the present moment as an obstacle. Seeing problems becomes our go-to approach to life. But for every problem that we solve, a new one pops up, and we continue to be trapped in an endless cycle of stress and unfulfillment.

“I’ll be whatever you want me to be,” says Life or the Now. “I’ll treat you the way you treat me. If you see me as a problem, I will be a problem to you. If you treat me as an obstacle, I will be an obstacle.”

#3

When treating everything as a “problem” becomes a habit practiced in all aspects of our lives, the world becomes a very unwelcome place.

Eventually, we start seeing the present moment as an enemy. We hate what we do, complain about every little thing that goes wrong, and see ourselves as victims of unfortunate circumstances.

In other words, we are in conflict with what is. When we are in conflict with reality, our life becomes frustrating and unbearable.

You are making Life into an enemy and Life says, “War is what you want, and war is what you get.” An external reality which always reflects back to you your inner state is then experienced as hostile.

The Takeaway

Whenever we feel unhappy or discontent, we need to ask this simple question, “What is my relationship with the present moment?” And then look deep inside to find the answer.

More often than not, we may find that we’re treating the present moment as a means to an end, an obstacle, or an enemy. The truth is, the present moment is inseparable from Life. And so what we’re really doing is making an enemy of Life itself.

This question is an excellent way of unmasking the ego in you and bringing you into the state of presence. Although the question doesn’t embody the absolute truth — ultimately, “I” and present moment are one — it is a useful pointer in the right direction. Ask yourself it often, until you don’t need it anymore.

Some things are inevitable: challenging situations, difficult people, and overwhelming emotions. We might even feel the inclination to accept it all and admit that suffering can’t be avoided. But is this the right approach to living our lives? Today I would like to share a book that will help us go through a difficult time, feel calmer in our daily activities, and feel a deeper connection to the outside world. Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh offers us a simple and direct approach to learning very powerful spiritual truths. Here are the 9 lessons from it that I chose for this post.

#1. Finding a way out of this unconscious pattern. We go through life hoping for a better future and doing everything we can to realize our dreams. And sometimes, in the process we can ruin our health or unintentionally make people around us unhappy. In other words, we make a lot of sacrifices in the name of doing and achieving. Thich Nhat Hanh teaches us all we need is already in us and that we should stop waiting for something better to come our way. Instead, we should enjoy the journey by practicing awareness of small things, like sitting and enjoying the sunset, walking in the park, or mindfully eating our breakfast in the morning.

When I think deeply about the nature of hope, I see something tragic. Since we cling to our hope in the future, we do not focus our energies and capabilities on the present moment. We use hope to believe something better will happen in the future, that we will arrive at peace (…). Hope becomes a kind of obstacle. If you can refrain from hoping, you can bring yourself entirely into the present moment and discover the joy that is already here.

#2. Learning the right way to start our day. What’s the first thing that goes through our minds when we wake up in the morning? Very often we feel rushed and stressed. We pick up our phones, go through notifications, and start mentally rehearsing all the things we need to do that day. In other words, our day is finished before it even started. As time flies by, we go through this cycle again and again. Life becomes dull and uninspiring. Thich Nhat Hanh teaches us to wake up with a smile and experience the richness of life in our immediate surroundings.

How can you remember to smile when you wake up? You might hang a reminder—such as a branch, a leaf, a painting, or some inspiring words—in your window or from the ceiling above your bed, so that you notice it when you wake up. (…) Smiling helps you approach the day with gentleness and understanding.

#3. Using a simple technique to calm our anxious minds. What happens when we start overthinking every little thing? We get paralized with indecision, focus on unlikely outcomes, and start looking for excuses to justify bad choises. As an antidote, Thich Nhat Hanh recommends practicing conscious breathing. As we breathe in and out, we say to ourselves, “In” and “Out.” This technique helps us slow down and keeps our minds focused on the breath.

According to the method of conscious breathing, when we breathe in and out, we stop thinking, because saying “In” and “Out” is not thinking—“In” and “Out” are only words to help us concentrate on our breathing. If we keep breathing in and out this way for a few minutes, we become quite refreshed. We recover ourselves, and we can encounter the beautiful things around us in the present moment. The past is gone, the future is not yet here.

#4. Using distractions to our advantage. We live in a world full of distractions. The most common of them is the one we’re carrying around all the time – our smartphones. A recent study shows that on average we check our smartphones 50 to 75 times per day. Quite a discouraging number. So what should we do? We can’t just throw out our phones, but we can use them to be more present rather than distracted. It’s a habit that we can start developing right now. Each time we get a notification from our phones, we should wait 3 seconds (or 3 rings if it’s a call) before reacting and using that time to be conscious of what we’re doing. Here’s how Thich Nhat Hanh puts it:

I recommend that the next time you hear the phone ring, just stay where you are, breathe in and out consciously, smile to yourself, and recite this verse: “Listen, listen. This wonderful sound brings me back to my true self.” (…) When the phone rings for the third time, you can continue to practice breathing and smiling, as you walk to the phone slowly, with all your sovereignty. You are your own master.

#5. Sitting by the river of feelings. There are many situations when we might lose our temper and let feelings and negative emotions dictate our actions in the heat of the moment. We all can remember times when we overreacted to someone else’s unkind remark and said something hurtful in response. These reactions are automatic and hard to control. Thich Nhat Hanh teaches us that we can become free of this pattern by becoming aware of these feelings and letting them pass by on their. In particular, he uses the analogy of a river:

In us, there is a river of feelings, in which every drop of water is a different feeling, and each feeling relies on all the others for its existence. To observe it, we just sit on the bank of the river and identify each feeling as it surfaces, flows by, and disappears.

#6. Asking the right question. The best approach to tackling any problem is to find the underlying cause and work out the solution. Thich Nhat Hanh says that this approach can greatly contribute to our unhappiness. We develop a mental habit of looking for flaws and imperfections and think that everything needs fixing. But what if we start asking the opposite question? What if we start looking for feelings, perceptions that are wholesome, refreshing, and healing? Here’s the advice Thich Nhat Hanh gives us:

We should learn to ask, “What’s not wrong?” and be in touch with that.

#7. Untying the knots. Whenever something bad happens in our lives, a “knot” is tied inside of us. Since these knots are very subtle, they stay undetected and can become tighter and stronger over time. During meditation we may uncover some of these knots in the form of repressed thoughts and emotions. By becoming aware of them, we gain the chance to untie them once and for all. For example, we can ask ourselves the following questions: Why did I react this way? Why do I have these negative feelings toward this person? Why do I keep repeating the same destructive patterns in my life? Instead of avoiding our thoughts and feelings, we can learn to transform them with the power of mindfulness.

If we do not untie our knots when they form, they will grow tighter and stronger. Our conscious, reasoning mind knows that negative feelings such as anger, fear, and regret are not wholly acceptable to ourselves or society, so it finds ways to repress them (…). But our internal formations are always looking for ways to manifest as destructive images, feelings, thoughts, words, or behavior. The way to deal with unconscious internal formations is, first of all, to find ways to become aware of them.

#8. Reconnecting with the source. Most of us live in little boxes called apartments made from cement, metal, and hard wiring. Our bodies are strained by the lack of movement. Our lungs are full of polluted air. Our senses are bombarded with an endless stream of stimuli. It becomes harder and harder to find a minute to just stop and be. Thich Nhat Hanh teaches us that an essential part of mindful living is reconnecting with Mother Earth. It’s vital to go outside the city and spend time in nature. The healing process will start by itself if we reconnect with nourishing elements of our planet.

Nature is our mother. Because we live cut off from her, we become sick.

#9. Practicing the art of interbeing. As we go deeper and deeper into our meditation practice, we’ll start to realize certain truths beyond common sense or logic. We’ll feel an inner connection to everything around us — even inanimate objects. This is what Thich Nhat Hanh calls interbeing. It’s a state of consciousness when all barriers of separation are gone, and we start to see that everything is one.

If you are a poet, you will see clearly that there is a cloud floating in this sheet of paper. Without a cloud, there will be no rain; without rain, the trees cannot grow; and without trees, we cannot make paper. The cloud is essential for the paper to exist. If the cloud is not here, the sheet of paper cannot be here either. So we can say that the cloud and the paper inter-are. “Interbeing” is a word that is not in the dictionary yet, but if we combine the prefix “inter-” with the verb “to be,” we have a new verb, inter-be.

I believe we can make a conscious choice to change something in our lives for the better and this book shows us how to do it. You can buy Peace is Every Step in paperback and Kindle edition on Amazon or in audiobook format on Audible.