“We only need to choose our words carefully, and we can make other people happy,” Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh wrote in his meditation on deep listening and loving speech.
Thinking about this advice, reminded of a book titled “What Would Buddha Say?: 1,501 Right-Speech Teachings for Communicating Mindfully,” written by Barbara Ann Kipfer, a lexicographer and Certified Mindfulness Meditation Teacher.
“This book was written to offer reminders to make Right Speech a habit,” she writes in the introduction, “For every one of us there is room for improvement in this area. We can train ourselves to speak at the proper time, to speak the truth, to speak gently, to speak beneficially, and to speak from a friendly heart.”
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Barbara Ann Kipfer writes:
Right Speech is one of the elements in Buddha’s Eightfold Path to enlightenment. The concept of Right Speech is to refrain from lying, divisive speech, harsh speech, and senseless speech. Practicing Right Speech is a very valuable tool in achieving happiness.
A little reflection will show that speech and the written word can have enormous consequences for good or for harm. Speech can break lives, create enemies, and start wars, or it can give wisdom, heal divisions, and create peace.
Then she goes on to emphasize that unskillful speech often results from the lack of self-reflection and being unaware of how our words affect other people:
We too often express pessimism or criticism that does not need to be voiced. We make comments about what other people say — really just to hear ourselves talk. We don’t stop to ask whether we really need to say what we say, or whether what we are about to say is kind or useful. We blurt out opinions that are hurtful, even if they are “honest.” And we lie, talk about others when they are not there, exaggerate, put down and diminish people and things, and talk in unnecessary absolutes and superlatives.
[…]
You can redefine spiritual life to be your day-to-day life, lived with intention and integrity. Every routine thing, from resolving a conflict to reading a bedtime story, can be part of your spiritual practice. Instead of going through these things on automatic pilot or without care as to what you are saying, you can make daily activities personal and really be there, really pay attention. You can make mindful communication a cornerstone of your spiritual life.
She adds:
Minimize the harm you do to others through your speech. Ask yourself what it is like for other people who are subjected to your speech. How would you feel if someone said the same thing to you? Put yourself in another person’s shoes. Maximize the good in your speech as you take steps toward awakening.
Then she goes on to offer these teachings on Right Speech:
When you live in the present moment, you
can be aware of your intentions and can
see their causal relationship with words.If the point you want to make is
sound and well grounded, there is no need for
aggression or annoyance.Speech is one area in which karma can be
seen in an easy and direct way.If you have questions or concerns, place
them in the center of the circle for the
whole group to contemplate and addressMeditation siphons off the pools of old
collected experience, allowing you to act
skillfully and compassionately in the
present instead of reacting to the past.
Let go, forgive, and acceptSend an e-mail or leave a voicemail message
just to say “I love you.”The Five Precept of Buddhism are the
foundation for Right Speech: abstain from
taking life, from taking what is not given,
from false speech, from sexual misconduct,
and from taking intoxicants.[…]
Whenever you are about to do or say
something, ask yourself if the action or
words will result in well-being or harm. If
well-being, then do or say it. If harm, then
do not do or say it.
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Complement these teachings from “What Would Buddha Say” with Bhikkhu Bodhi on why ethics and morality are at the heart of the Buddha’s teaching.
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