In this article, I would like to share three reasons why we should meditate, how meditation changed my life and how it can change yours.

Six years ago I was stressed and overworked. I was living on autopilot, chasing some vague notion of “happiness” based on external material things. But the finish line kept moving farther and farther away the more progress I made to reach it.

At some point, I felt utterly frustrated and empty inside. To top it off, my body started to fail me. I had constant back pains and headaches from neglecting my health, sleep deprivation, and burnout at work. It got to the point where I would never leave home without taking pain medication.

One day, I woke up and thought to myself, “If I feel this bad now, what will happen to me in five or ten years? I need to do something about this.” My friend suggested that I try yoga as a supplement for my treatment. I decided to give it a try, and to my surprise, it was amazing for my body and health.

But something else happened during that time. At the end of each class, we practiced Shavasana. Our teacher would instruct us to slowly scan each part of the body to release tension in the muscles. During this body scan, I noticed that I was completely present. I wasn’t thinking about my problems, what I had to do, what I should have done, and all the other stuff in my head. I shared this with the group, and they said that I should try meditation. And I did.

Since then, meditation has become more than just a means to stress relief. It became a spiritual practice that lead me to Buddhism and made me a better and stronger person than I was before. If you’re not sure why you should meditate, I will share three life-changing reasons in this post.

Meditation Changes Our Relationship with Ourselves

One of the incredible ways meditation can affect our life is how it changes our relationship with ourselves. As we meditate, our awareness grows, and we start to see specific patterns in our thinking and behavior. It becomes clear that sometimes we unconsciously create unhappiness because of our programming and past trauma.

For example, I noticed that I always found myself in the company of people who would trigger my worst insecurities and fears. There was something in me that wanted to be miserable and unhappy. And all it took to end that pattern is noticing it and a simple decision to stop.

I became kinder to myself and more forgiving. I saw all the flaws I had, but at the same time, I was aware of the ego in me, it was not who I really was.

Meditation Changes Our Relationship with Other People

Another transformation that happens to us is how we change our relationship with other people. When we become aware of our own ego and patterns, it becomes easy for us to see the ego and patterns in other people.

But it doesn’t end there. We also gain the ability to see beyond the ego. We see a glimpse of their true self that is devoid of all the programming and unconscious behavior. So even if someone is causing trouble and making life harder for us, we don’t automatically label them as “bad.” We respond to the person, not react to their unconsciousness.

We might take action to protect ourselves, but that action will not come from negativity and anger. We will take the right action to resolve the conflict in the best way possible for everyone.

Meditation Changes Our Relationship with the World Around Us

The third way meditation changes our life is how we see the world and ourselves in it. When we live unconsciously, completely identified with the ego and its thinking patterns, we tend to see ourselves as separate. We are only interested in our own wellbeing and perceive everything outside as an “obstacle” that we need to overcome.

Meditation allows us to see through this delusion of separateness. We start to realize that we are an intrinsic part of the interconnectedness of all things in this universe. At some point in our practice, the tendency to label events and people as “good” and “bad” starts to fall away. We stop blaming circumstances and face every challenge from a place of inner stillness and presence.

What is the purpose of meditation? Have nothing on your mind? Think of something specific? Find a pleasant feeling to hold on to? Be blank and see what comes into your mind? It’s normal to feel lost in all these questions when we’re new to meditation. There is so much information out there that can overwhelm and frustrate us.

I remember asking myself the same questions. I bought a bunch of books on meditation, and each of them had a different perspective and technique. It was so hard to find a common thread of meaning in all of that information overload.

But everything fell into place when I began to study Buddhism. I was able to connect all the dots and understand the goal of meditation and how it fits into its western version.

In this post, I’m going to look at the three aspects of meditation in Buddhism which can help us gain a little bit more clarity about its place, function, and purpose.

The purpose of meditation in the eightfold path

When we think about meditation, we have to go back to the source — Buddhism. When we do that, it becomes clear that the starting point of our investigation is the monk’s training process.

The path of the Buddhist monk is divided into three sections:
– Wisdom
– Moral discipline
– Concentration

Each of these sections represents a higher subdivision of the Noble Eightfold Path.

The first one, the training in the higher wisdom, includes right view and right intention.

The second one, the training in the higher moral discipline, includes right speech, right action, and right livelihood.

The third one, the training in the higher mind, includes right effort, right mindfulness, and right concentration.

If we look at the steps, the purpose of meditation in the Noble Eightfold Path becomes clear. It’s to develop steps seven and eight: right mindfulness and right concentration.

The purpose of meditation in the establishment of mindfulness

Step seven (right mindfulness) shows us meditation is inseparable from mindfulness. So how are the two connected? And how exactly can meditation help us establish and maintain mindfulness?

As you know, there are a lot of meditation techniques, so I’ll start with the most popular one — breathing meditation.

The Pali word for breathing meditation is anapanasati. It can be translated as mindfulness (sati) of breathing (anapana)

There is an ancient Buddhist scripture called Satipatthana Sutta — The Discourse on the Establishment (upatthana) of Mindfulness (sati).

This text is generally considered to be one of the most comprehensive instructions on meditation. It’s divided into four major sections, which correspond to the four objective domains:
– contemplation of the body
– contemplation of feelings
– contemplation of mind
– contemplation of dhammas (phenomena)

The first objective domain, contemplation of the body, comprises 14 meditation subjects. Mindfulness of breathing is the first one. It’s aimed at calming the mind and moving the meditator to a subtler level of stillness.

As we can see, the purpose of breathing meditation in establishing mindfulness is mastering the first objective domain — contemplation of the body.

The purpose of meditation on the path to Nibbana

The four objective domains of the Satipatthana Sutta imply a progressive sequence in reaching the final goal.

In mindfulness of breathing, we calm our body. In contemplation of feelings, we move toward non-physical feelings that are neither pleasant nor painful. In contemplation of mind, we move toward liberated and concentrated states.

So the first three domains help us reach concentration (samadhi), which is the aim of serenity meditation (samatha meditation).

The fourth domain, contemplation of phenomena, is the subject of insight meditation (vipassana meditation). It’s aimed at developing wisdom (panna).

Insight meditation starts by observing and overcoming the five hindrances. After overcoming the hindrances, we begin to contemplate five aggregates and the six sense bases. This is followed by the contemplation of the seven factors of enlightenment and culminates in the true knowledge of the Four Noble Truths.

Knowledge of the Four Noble Truths liberates the mind from the defilements and leads to the realization of Nibbana.

We may have noticed this strange habit of saying “I’m great” or keep a cheerful attitude just to fit in when we really don’t feel that great inside. We may also have noticed a certain degree of worry about what we say or do when in the company of other people and if something goes wrong in social situations we ruminate about it and it ends up ruining our whole day. The most common cause of social anxiety is fear and insecurity. We feel as if we lack in some way and not good enough. These negative thoughts and emotions control our everyday life and make us unhappy. So how can we use mindfulness to counteract social anxiety?

I used to struggle with this in the past as well. I was always performing a role and saying things I didn’t believe in. All of it was done to please other people, fit in, and don’t stand out from the crowd. And the worst thing about it was that I was basically unaware of this pattern in my behavior. The only thing that allowed me to uncover this deeply rooted flaw was my daily mindfulness practice. With time, I came up with a simple exercise that helped me stay in the present moment and not be controlled by my fears. In this article, I want to share this process and hope that it can benefit anyone who reads it.

How to practice mindfulness for social anxiety

Step 1

As we go about our days, we need to identify situations and people that make us put on a mask and play a role. It’s a part of life that we can’t escape and comes with living in human society.

There will always be situations that make us behave in a certain way. Sometimes forcing us to do things we don’t want to do.

So the first thing we should do is identify those situations and be prepared to face them when the time comes. We need to be more conscious than usual.

Step 2

Once we find ourselves around people that make us nervous, we should shift our attention into the body and notice any subtle changes in how we walk, where we look, how we hold our hands.

Maybe there is a tension in our shoulders, or we may notice how we start crossing our arms across the chest and act defensively.

These are signs that the body is in distress, and we need to prepare for the next step.

Step 3

The next thing we should do is identify the emotion we’re feeling at that moment. For example, we could be worried about what other people think about us.

We often grow up in a society that programs us to place value on things like good appearance, wealth, and high social status. So basically, if we’re not beautiful, rich, or come from a good family, we’re labeled as deficient.

That’s just one example; it can be different for different people. There will always be a negative emotion or programming that underlies our behavior.

Step 4

The last step is to accept the emotion and don’t resist it. Resistance is the main reason negative emotions have such a tight grip on our well-being and persist for a long time.

If we observe them and let them be, they lose all their power. So if we say, “I feel that I’m worried. There is a worry in me. It’s just a feeling. It’s not me.” Then go deep and feel it as not our self but as an energy field in the body. Suddenly, we become free of worry, and it doesn’t control us anymore.

It’s all about accepting the present moment as it is. We connect with the inner stillness and realize that there is nothing to fear or worry about.

If we go through these steps every day to practice mindfulness for social anxiety, with time we’ll be aware of the patterns that make us unhappy and will be able to let them go.

Even if we don’t want to admit it, there were situations when we wanted to prove we were right even when deep down inside we knew the opposite was true. But we ignored that feeling and kept pushing on. Maybe we were lucky and had our way but if not we let the argument escalate until we said something that we couldn’t take back. As a result, the good relationship was ruined and never to be repaired again.

This happened to me a lot in the past. I was arrogant and inconsiderate of those close to me. The need to be right and tell them how it really is was very strong, almost overwhelming at times. It ruined a lot of friendships in my life.

Since starting my meditation practice, I became aware of this pattern and learned to avoid it. Now I can talk to someone without trying to impose my opinion on them. When the need to be right returns, I observe it and let it go. Being aware of it has turned into a spiritual practice.

In this article, I would like to share how I use mindfulness to counteract the need to be right and I hope it can be helpful to anyone who reads it.

It Doesn’t Mean We Have to Agree with Everyone

It’s completely fine to have views and opinions. What’s important here is to be aware of our state of consciousness when we talk to someone.

We need to remember how it feels to lose an argument. When we do that we can clearly see how our sense of self gets diminished. In other words, we feel how our egos are hurt as a result.

This pain creates a lot of food for negative thoughts that we play over and over in our heads. We refuse to admit we were wrong and feel angrier than before.

It contributes to a sense of division and separateness between us and “others.” By giving in to this pattern, we start to divide people into “right” and “wrong.” While being in this mode, we’re one step away from labeling people into groups and categories.

How to Let Go of the Need to Be Right

When we feel like we’re about to be involved in a pointless argument, we need to ask ourselves these three questions based on objectivity, compassion, and awareness.

1. The first question is, “Do I know everything?” or “Do I have enough information?”

Even if we think we’re an expert in something, there still might be things we don’t know.

Questioning our knowledge or objectivity is not an easy thing to do. Still, it’s a sobering and humbling habit once we adopt it.

When we think about it, none of us can ever know everything about anything. In the end, it all comes down to personal opinions and points of view.

2. The second question is, “Do I know this person well enough? Or “Do I know why they are acting like this right now?

We can’t truly know the driving force behind someone else’s words or actions. We don’t know about their situation or the experiences they had.

Something must have happened to them to take this stand. We might not see it, but it doesn’t mean that it’s not there.

So need to put ourselves in another person’s shoes. For a moment, we should think about why they say this or think that way. There is always a reason.

3. The third question is, “Do I know why I’m acting like this right now?”

When we are in the middle of an argument, we can greatly benefit from turning our attention to the emotion we feel at that moment.

When we do that, we might discover that we are angry, frustrated, impatient. We realize how much hostility and negative energy we’re producing at that very moment.

After we’ve noticed the emotion, we should stay with it for a while and not resist it. Soon, it will become clear it’s just a feeling, it’s not who we really are.

We’ll notice a tiny space between our awareness and negative emotion. At that moment, we will be able to slow down and realize that this argument doesn’t matter that much.

If we repeat this process in conflict situations, it will become our spiritual practice. We’ll have so much more control over our need to be right. And we’ll notice how other peoples’ behavior will also start to change around us.