I often revisit “For the Future to Be Possible” by Thich Nhat Hanh (October 11, 1926–January 22, 2022) to renew my commitment to skillful actions in daily life.
I especially like the way he emphasizes our inner wealth and how to utilize it. In particular, the renowned Zen master insists that even if you have nothing, you can still make the other person happy through the gift of kind speech, which is the essence of the fourth Buddhist precept.
“We only need to choose our words carefully, and we can make other people happy,” Thich Nhat Hanh writes. As a lover of words, I couldn’t agree more. The right word at the right time can make all the difference in our interactions with other people. But putting this teaching into practice is anything but easy. That’s why I want to share with you what I’ve learned from the chapter “Deep Listening and Loving Speech.” In it, Thich Nhat Hanh starts with this vow for upholding the fourth precept:
FREE Self-Test: How Spiritual Are You?
Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful speech and the inability to listen to others, I vow to cultivate loving speech and deep listening in order to bring joy and happiness to others and relieve others of their suffering. Knowing that words can create happiness or suffering, I vow to learn to speak truthfully, with words that inspire self-confidence, joy, and hope. I am determined not to spread news that I do not know to be certain and not to criticize or condemn things of which I am not sure. I will refrain from uttering words that can cause division or discord, or that can cause the family or the community to break. I will make all efforts to reconcile and resolve all conflicts, however small.
Then, he provides examples of unskillful speech and explains the four ways you can break the fourth Buddhist precept:
- Not telling the truth. If it’s black, you say it’s white.
- Exaggerating. You make something up, or describe something as more beautiful than it actually is, or as ugly when it is not so ugly
- Forked tongue. You go to one person and say one thing and then you go to another person and say the opposite.
- Filthy language. You insult or abuse people.
Thich Nhat Hanh goes on to contemplate the many ways communication between people falls short of what it could be if we used our speech consciously:
Never in the history of humankind have we had so many means of communication … but we still remain islands. There is so little communication between the members of one family, between the individuals in society, and between nations.
We suffer from so many wars and conflicts. We surely have not cultivated the arts of listening and speaking. We do not know how to listen to each other. We have little ability to hold an intelligent or meaningful conversation. The universal door of communication has to be opened again. When we cannot communicate, we get sick, and as our sickness increases, we suffer and spill our suffering on other people. …
Unless we look deeply into ourselves, this practice will not be easy. If there is a lot of suffering in you, it is difficult to listen to other people or to say nice things to them. First you have to look deeply into the nature of your anger, despair, and suffering to free yourself, so you can be available to others. …
The best immediate practice is to breathe in and out in order to calm your anger, to calm the pain: “Breathing in, I know that I am angry. Breathing out, I calm my feeling of anger.” Just by breathing deeply on your anger, you will calm it. You are being mindful of your anger, not suppressing it.
When you’re calm enough, you may be able to use mindful speech. In a loving and mindful way, you can say, “Darling, I would like you to know that I am angry. What you just said hurt me a lot, and I want you to know that.” Just saying that, mindfully and calmly, will give you some relief.
If your anger is still there, Thich Nhat Hanh says that it’s better to take a break for a few days and then to look deeply at your anger and the source of the conflict. He writes:
You sit together and practice deep listening — one person expressing herself, while the other person listens deeply. When you speak, you tell the deepest kind of truth, and you practice loving speech.
Only by using that kind of speech will there be a chance for the other person to understand and accept. While listening, you know that only with deep listening can you relieve the suffering of the other person. If you listen with just half an ear, you cannot do it. Your presence must be deep and real. … This is the practice of the Fourth Precept.
FREE mindfulness resources for stress relief
Thich Nhat Hanh writes that “Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva is a person who has learned the art of listening and speaking deeply to help people let go of their fear, misery, and despair. He is the model of this practice, and the door he opens is called the ‘universal door’ [of communication].” Then he shares the following poem, which he learned while studying the Lotus Sutra:
The universal door manifests itself
in the voice of the rolling tide.
Hearing and practicing it, we become a child,
born from the heart of a lotus,
fresh, pure, and happy,
capable of speaking and listening
in accord with the universal door.
With only one drop of the water
of compassion
from the branch of the willow,
spring returns to the great Earth.
Complement “For the Future to Be Possible” with the full list of all five Buddhist precepts by Thich Nhat Hanh.
I’m a freelance writer and mindfulness advocate behind this blog. I started my meditation practice in 2014, and in 2017 I launched this website to share what I learn with others. Here are the three things you can do here:
1. Schedule a free consult if you want to learn Buddhist meditation.
2. Download free mindfulness resources for stress relief
3. Join Patreon for exclusive content and community meetings.
